this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
