my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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