What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My vagina is officially offended.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
