in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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