I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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