Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
