I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
