dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
its not stalking. its research.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
