As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
