So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
