we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
