Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
