The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
