You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
