you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
