I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
