Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
