I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
