So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
