Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
