When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i now understand why vodka
We're too hungover to prance.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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