hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
