i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
