I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
