Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
