There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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