look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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