I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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