are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
