you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
