"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
