hotel room ftw
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
