No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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