Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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