its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
