Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
