i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize