He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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