I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
