oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Screwed.edu
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
