It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
