i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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