eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
