JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
