i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
