I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Acid is not a monday night drug
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
