if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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