All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
