I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
