i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
