So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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