thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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