I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
