so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I look better un-naked...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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