i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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