Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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