It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
