I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
