This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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