The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
