the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
