so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
