just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
