how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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