Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
