she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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