Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
