if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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