Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you never un-have a 4some
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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