i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
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i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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