dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We left an ass print on the piano.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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