I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
