I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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