Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
