3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
