Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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