That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
